Extreme Parenting

My mind is on my oldest son. Today we scheduled a meeting with him about his bills, rent and his life direction in general. I heard his loud muffler coming down the street at about noon. I breathed a quick prayer for wisdom. Earlier, Tom and I had prayed together—that we would be firm, but compassionate…that we would have clarity of thought and a dose of patience. We pulled some chairs into the sunny spot on our driveway. The mood was somber under the blue sky. We discussed with Cody the upcoming dilemmas he will be facing in the next few days and possible strategies for solving them.

Right now I feel like a train engineer with a problem. One of my cars if off the track and bumping along in a dangerous fashion. Oh how I pray he will get back on track soon.

As parents, when our kids go through stuff, we feel it deeply. And when their problems become more serious, we cry out for relief. But I have to stop and think, that if God delivered me from my worries—therefore delivering Cody…would Cody learn anything? No. I can show my love for Cody by allowing him to experience the consequences of his choices.

With all our children, whether its completing a homework assignment or climbing out of debt, a parent’s job is to help them become more independent, not dependent. A wise older woman, once told me that when you allow your children to climb out of their own problems—as hard as that is—it gives them a feeling of confidence. If they are constantly rescued, they feel like a failure.

At times, yes, we still rescue him. Some things are beyond his control and expertise…and we don’t want him to lose hope in life itself by allowing him to be buried under a burden he cannot shoulder. But he does need to experience the realities of life. So we struggle along this road…

After Cody left, I walked out into the back yard so I could get a better view of the sky. Somehow, when I look at the sky, it helps me remember how big God is. I sat down on the dry prickly grass, put my hood up, and then lied down. The view was beautiful. As I stared at the sky, and watched the treetops move with the breeze, I felt my tense muscles begin to relax. And I knew that in some way—in God’s many ways—everything would be okay.


parenting teens
parenting adult children
parenting young adults

Face Down in the Dirt

Don’t travel alone. An ancient voice coming from the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes comments, “Two are better than one… If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has not one to help him up!” (Eccl 4:9a, 10)

That’s what I was thinking last time I rode my motorcycle. I was out at El Mirage with my son and husband. After winding through the foothills we decided to stop and enjoy the view…for a few seconds. Then we started up again. The road ahead involved negotiating a sharp turn. Dylan and Tom made the sharp corner. I didn’t. My bike fell over and I landed face down in the dirt. The bike rested heavily on my right leg. I listened to the sound of their motorcycles slowly drift away. Great. I wonder how long it will take them to discover I’m not behind them? I tried to shove the bike off my leg with my free foot, but nothing budged. I tried to twist my foot out. My foot wouldn’t budge. So I waited…and waited...studying the desert pebbles. Ten minutes later (it seemed like 30) they returned. Tom lifted the bike off me. “Sorry it took so long for us to get back.” I limped around (exaggerating a bit) Let them think I broke my foot!

Therefore it’s not a good idea to ride alone, because you might need someone to pull your bike off you. And the same is true for life’s journey. My husband and I are going through a difficult time with our oldest son. With so many crucial decisions to make—one after another—we found ourselves reaching out to others for advice. Friends who are older and have gone through similar experiences with their own children, have given us good objective counsel. My own parents have also been a solid support and vital compass. Now of course, there are times when the advice one receives from others may not always feel right. But it’s still helpful to hear different opinions. It gives you a broader perspective. Tom and I know that ultimately the final decisions will rest with us. But we are richer in knowledge for having listened to those around us.

We are also utilizing the advice written in about A.D. 55 by James. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him. (James 1:5-the Bible)

Parenting is a rough and bumpy road with lot’s of twists and sharp turns. It’s nice to know that we don’t have to travel alone!