My mind is on my oldest son. Today we scheduled a meeting with him about his bills, rent and his life direction in general. I heard his loud muffler coming down the street at about noon. I breathed a quick prayer for wisdom. Earlier, Tom and I had prayed together—that we would be firm, but compassionate…that we would have clarity of thought and a dose of patience. We pulled some chairs into the sunny spot on our driveway. The mood was somber under the blue sky. We discussed with Cody the upcoming dilemmas he will be facing in the next few days and possible strategies for solving them.
Right now I feel like a train engineer with a problem. One of my cars if off the track and bumping along in a dangerous fashion. Oh how I pray he will get back on track soon.
As parents, when our kids go through stuff, we feel it deeply. And when their problems become more serious, we cry out for relief. But I have to stop and think, that if God delivered me from my worries—therefore delivering Cody…would Cody learn anything? No. I can show my love for Cody by allowing him to experience the consequences of his choices.
With all our children, whether its completing a homework assignment or climbing out of debt, a parent’s job is to help them become more independent, not dependent. A wise older woman, once told me that when you allow your children to climb out of their own problems—as hard as that is—it gives them a feeling of confidence. If they are constantly rescued, they feel like a failure.
At times, yes, we still rescue him. Some things are beyond his control and expertise…and we don’t want him to lose hope in life itself by allowing him to be buried under a burden he cannot shoulder. But he does need to experience the realities of life. So we struggle along this road…
After Cody left, I walked out into the back yard so I could get a better view of the sky. Somehow, when I look at the sky, it helps me remember how big God is. I sat down on the dry prickly grass, put my hood up, and then lied down. The view was beautiful. As I stared at the sky, and watched the treetops move with the breeze, I felt my tense muscles begin to relax. And I knew that in some way—in God’s many ways—everything would be okay.
parenting adult children
parenting young adults